The first time I skipped lunch I was nine,
It was the first of many crimes.
Trips to the bathroom after meals,
Late night leftover dinner steals,
Hidden cookies in sock drawers,
Crunches, and sit ups behind closed doors
I started to keep score
The days I met quota and the sipped on diet soda
And the ones I’d make up for
with half marathons
Around the neighborhood ponds
It’s hard to know when it turned dark
How many months went by without a
Period
Before I considered there was something wrong
Call it sick, but I was free
Free of all who hated me
Those who Spat there words of disgust
They dissipated like the fat around my gut
So what my heart started to slow, and my hair didn’t want to grow
I was thin, and I never had been
It’s what they wanted of me.
I stopped being loud with my laugh, the attention was on my slim calves.
The light in my eyes had gone but they were singing my praises, my favorite song.
Boys looked my way,
So what if I went with out food for a day
Or two…
But who are you to tell me to eat now?
Huh? You screamed and teased until I was on my knees at your will
Willing to do anything for your approval.
And now you nestle me into some catch 22
SCREW YOU
I’m too fat, I’m too skinny.
Nothing a girl will ever do, will please you.
The only thing you get off on is her suffering.